Saturday, 26 January 2013

Once Upon a time

Once Upon a time I was born....
July 20th 1991 at 3:20pm I was born into this world, three weeks early, breech and deprived of oxygen. I lived. I didn't seem to be brain damaged or a vegetable, and I grew.
Things seemed pretty normal I talked, walked and hit my milestones. But then around the age this next picture was taken...
At age 3 1/2 I had unexplained grand mal seizures. To this day despite spinal taps and tests they cannot explain them they have not repeated but the risk is always still there. It resulted into some nerve damage.
Around 4 my mother began to realize I am was definitely not a neurotypical kid 
I was vastly different from my peers.
In fact I was definitely neurodiverse


Then came school (my first day of school ever pictured below)

But by the time I entered school at age 5 my parents knew for sure I was DIFFERENT. I did not learn like my peers, I did not have friends my own age nor seem to have a lot in common with others, I was picked on.
But I also was creative, inventive, a talker, imaginative, with definite likes and dislikes. I only would eat certain foods(To this day I am still the same way with food), and my attention span seemed only destined for the things I loved (books). I was far from stupid. But....
I was still bullied often for my uniqueness and not receiving the same amount of math sheets as the other children. I was singled out and often alone. and over all I can remember being sad. I think that sadness of being different still is with me now as an adult even though I am embracing my differences and learning to love me. 

Said: Diagnosis now at age 5 will not be any help to you, so no services, no early intervention we will leave you in till you are almost 7.
I missed a lot of school between those times twice for pneumonia, every little bug that went around I would get, it was as though I had no immune system. I also had severe asthma to the point inhalers did not work plenty of Er trips. I also lost my hearing in mostly my right ear late primary and on my way through grade 1. I have awful memories of grade one being forced out into the hall way because I did not complete work on time to me it was punishment, all I wanted to do was read and the material was often boring to me. I did reverse letters and had a few speech issues but once I had ear tubes put in it was no longer an issue as the fluid in my ears could now drain. In grade 2 I was out sick several times but missed a total of 6 weeks due to whooping cough this was also a big year.

 They diagnosed me with ADHD inattentive type, dyslexia and a co-ordination disorder. 
Both now to this day I question this questioning is what this blog is going to be about. 1) I was bored 2) I used to sneak books to read to curb that boredom 3) I was not interested in the same activities as my peers 4) I was an incredibly sensitive kid.
Now at 21 I am learning they may have not gotten my diagnosis 100% right.
and so they put me on this:
At 7 years old I began Ritalin therapy. When I asked my mom about it she said she had no choice I was simply not doing anything in school. This picture should terrify everyone as much as it does me. I have been on this drug for 15 years in total in one shape or form. Jess and Ritalin will be a whole blog post because this is such a big thing for me. 

And they began therapy. If you can think of it chances are I have been through it. Down my social behavior, down to the way I am to do things, my body and mind was programmed so I could be "Normal". Girls with disabilities weren't meant to amount to much in those days so my life became a hell of teachers just not caring. I was never supposed to do this:

Graduate High School with 4 year honors, a $8000 dollar scholarship and a university acceptance. I did switch after two years of university to a community college to pursue my passion and love for something else.
Or this in 2012 I graduated from college.

So I did a whole lot of things I wasn't supposed to do. And it was hard.
because of this:
Children are effected to. Now to this day I can say I'm pretty sure that mental illness has always been present in my life and that the lack of diagnosis and the misdiagnosis has brought me to this final point.
This blog is about discovery me, the uncover of answers, and the journey through change. 
I am not anything special I am just Jess who is forging ahead in a world where I have to be Brave enough to love myself and face the things that may or may not make me tick.
Welcome and hang on sometimes my brain can be a bit hard to follow,
A Brave Jess

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